igravitatetowardrobbiev asked: OKAY OKAY SO SOME BACKGROUND my boyfriend is a furry, and he bought his ex boyfriend a collar when they were dating, but it was more of like a dog collar. so he was always making jokes to me about a collar and i was always saying no but finally yesterday i told him i really wanted one and that it was like the hottest thing ever so we found one that's like, thin leather like yours but it also has a lock that's shaped like a heart on it and i loooove it and i had to make him realize that not only

[part 2] that not only furries are into collars haha. but he has to put cash on a visa gift card and then get it off of etsy so i dunno when i’ll have it but hopefully soon! and it’s kinda subtle, but still obviously a collar, and we’re still in high school so i know i’m gonna get a LOT of questions/weird looks…how do i deal with that? i’m not too concerned about it, but i don’t wanna like, completely freeze when it happens.

You don’t have to disclose what it’s about to anyone who gives you weird looks. I generally just go “Yeah I thought it looked awesome. Deal with it.” Sometimes though someone will go “Is that a collar?!” When it’s someone I know, maybe I’ll say “Yeah, so?” and either explain it to them or not depending on my relationship with them. When it’s someone I don’t know, I just go “No, it’s just a choker. It looks cool though, right?” Don’t worry about it.

I’m SO HAPPY for you, though!! I’m glad he could realize that not only furries are into collars!! They’re great for D/s as well as pet play (light, or heavy!) which doesn’t necessarily have to involve furries - but maybe he’d be into it, if he is a furry. Enjoy!!!!!

Anonymous asked: i need your advice with buying a vibrator. i found one that looks great for quite cheap but i'm still unsure, firstly i don't want to buy it and someone else in the house to open my post but secondly i still don't know if it's worth it :/

Well it depends! Is masturbating with just your hand not satisfying? Also, generally, a lot of sex shops will ship discreetly. Especially if you order from Amazon and say it’s a book or something, what family member is going to care enough to open it? What vibrator is it? How cheap is cheap? The cheapest will break more quickly, as far as I can tell.

Anonymous asked: Why are you trying the cup?

because it’s

• financially better for you (you just wash it and stick it back in, and can keep it for up to 5 years that way)
• better for the environment (no more crap to throw away 4/5 times a day every day for a whole week!!)
• health-wise better you than tampons or pads, unless you’re allergic to silicone or something
• less of a time waster (you can keep it in for up to 12 hours)
• less gross feeling than having a wad of fucking cotton up your vag - you definitely feel it less than tampons, and obviously way less than pads, which we all know feel like fucking diapers a lot of the time

Anonymous asked: please help me - I've never dated anyone before and I'm pretty shy. The guy I like told me he likes me and im terrified. I have no idea how to date or be in a relationship or any of it and I'm stressing out cause i don't want to look like an idiot. Why the hell is this so hard

If you are feeling like an idiot, then be an idiot. They’ll think it’s cute. If they don’t, they’re the actual idiot. That’s my primary advice for you, dear. The rest is mostly just: do what feels right. If you like someone, then you like them. It doesn’t mean you have to change how you act around them or anything. Aside from maybe the blushing and cute confused giggling or whatever, they might as well just be your friend. Think of a good relationship as a best friend who you can hold hands with and cuddle and kiss. :3 Don’t stress, darling. It may or may not come naturally, but if it doesn’t, all you gotta do is go “Uh, I’ve never done this before. What if I look stupid to you?” and you’ll know everything’s okay if they even remotely indicate that your ignorance is endearing. <3 just do what feels right for YOU. There’s no one right way to be in a relationship or to date. Just be safe, do what’s right for you, and don’t do anything you might hate yourself for tomorrow or in a year.

Anonymous asked: so this is kind of a random ask but you're my go-to person for sexual advice. me and my bf have been together 7 months, but we've only had intercourse 4 times. we usually get each other off with our hands. is this normal??? he's 29 and i'm 19 and idk if it's because he's older, or if he's too tired (we usually are), or because he's too lazy to put on a condom and knows i won't do it without it

Everything’s normal, unless it’s creepy, harmful, non-consensual, and/or illegal. If YOU want to be having sex more, tell him that. If he DOESN’T want to be having sex more, then maybe you should consider why. If he’s not willing to put on a condom in order to have a more regular and happy sex life, then he’s not the guy for you. I’m really sorry to tell you that, but safe sex is important, and if it’s what you want, then the guy better do it, or get the FUCK out.

My Boyfriend is also 29, dear, and I don’t think that has anything to do with it - unless maybe he feels weird that he’s having sex with someone who’s 10 years younger than him. Those are very different places to be in life, mature or not… It could get weird. I’d watch my back, if I were you. That’s not to say older guys are skeevy, but the age difference (THAT much of an age difference, at THIS AGE) could get weird. He’s been an adult for a long time, and is about to turn thirty. You are barely legal, and in the US you can’t even drink yet. Just keep those things in mind while your relationship progresses.

Anonymous asked: I love my boyfriend, very much, and I only want to be with him, but I have certain issues (genophobia, demisexuality) and when I'm away from him, I really want to be near him and kiss him and things, but when we're actually together I can't. I'm quite distanced from him, because my brain doesn't like me being close to guys, it terrifies me to be close to a guy when there's romantic feelings, and I hate it so much, and there's nothing I can do about it, and I love him, but I can't show him. Help?

Have you tried explaining this to him? Tell him you really love being with him and talking to him, but you get really anxious being near him sometimes because of various issues? I’d also recommend trying therapy for a problem like this. There’s definitely nothing I can say to help with this. It’s something that’s very, very personal and needs the advice of someone qualified to help.

Anonymous asked: 1/2 (TW rape, I guess) sorry I know this might be a bit much, but you're the most open person I know, but sorry I know this is likely to be weird. Starting with a couple of facts about myself to explain the situation. 1. I'm interested in the dom/sub dynamic but have never experienced it personally. 2. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I find consensual non con appealing, and this has only happened a couple of times when I get seriously overwhelmed emotionally or mentally.

2/2 But a handful of times, especially when depression and anxiety is at its worst (its gotten to this point 2, maybe 3 times absolute most, so it takes a lot to push me that far) but if I do hit that point, I kind of almost feel like I wouldn’t care if I were raped. Fucked up and awful as that is. Those few times, it’s like my perception of myself is so fucked up, that it feels like it wouldnt matter. Anyway, sorry. I know theres not much you can reply to this, guess I just needed to get it out

Well, I guess you came to the right person for a complicated issue like this. I can’t help you, really, with much, but I CAN tell you that we are in a similar boat: I am in a D/s relationship currently, and I have anxiety and depression as well. Consensual non-consent is something that Boyfriend/Sir and I practice. 

What you need to do is READ. Read everything you can about consensual non-con. I find consensual non-con hot pretty much all the time. Non-consent is NOT. SEXY. CONSENSUAL decisions to ACT OUT scenes together - that’s sexy. You do not want to be raped. That is not what it’s about at all. CONSENSUAL NON-CON IS NOT RAPE.

You say this feeling happens when you are particularly overwhelmed? Maybe you think it’s “not caring” if you’re raped because you are self deprecating, and mentally trying to hurt yourself. Maybe you think you deserve it. That’s not true. Nobody deserves to be raped. Everyone, however, deserves to be able to act out their sexual fantasies with a partner who’s just as into it as they are. Consent is EVERYTHING. Consent makes everything sexy. 

Seriously, though. Just READ. Read everything you can about D/s and consensual non-con. Not stories, but I mean: first hand accounts, peoples musings on the topic, and so on. Let yourself open your eyes to what those things mean to others, so that maybe you can slowly start to figure out what it means for you, and come to some kind of acceptance of it within yourself.

Also making a list of all their flaws and reading it each time you think about that person romantically kinda helps as well.

Anonymous asked: i saw you giving advice to an anon so i was wondering if you could give me advice?! Theres this guy i really really like but i dont know how to tell him... im really nervous! ideas?

This is probably the simplest question I’ve ever gotten, and also the hardest. How do you tell someone you like them? You just do it, I guess. Bring it up slowly? Ask them if they like anyone? Ask them on a date, to go get coffee or drinks or to get candy after school or something if you’re a lot younger, haha. It’s a tough one, ‘cause everyone reacts to things differently. Observe him for a while, get to know his reactions to different stuff. Get to know him, flirt with him, eventually invite him someplace just the two of you. That’s pretty much all I can think. I’ve never told anyone I liked them before. I guess when I was 14 I did once, but he told me he liked me, first, so I didn’t have much of a problem. I find this question SO hard. Anyone who wants to chime in is welcome to.

Anonymous asked: do you have any tips on how to fall out of love with somebody?

Not really. Avoid seeing them, try to date other people, shift your focus… that’s about all I can tell you, and that crap often doesn’t work. The best thing you can do is wait it out.

Anonymous asked: Hey so I'm 21, female, and my bff confessed she really likes me last week and I'm so flattered!! But I think I'm totally asexual and I could never see myself actually dating anyone. The whole idea just does not appeal to me at all. I DO care about her, so much, but I don't know if I'm even capable of anything romantic. (And her family's super conservative and we live in different countries too.) I'm definitely curious, I won't lie. But I'm just afraid of breaking her heart. Any advice for me?

What you just told me? That was great! Tell her that! Tell her you like her a lot, but you’re pretty sure you’re asexual AND aromantic, and find the idea of dating anyone very weird and not in sync with who you are. Then apologize profusely - not for being you, but for hurting her, and confess that despite all that, you are sort of curious, and you’re sorry that you just can’t do it. Give her lots of love and hugs (long distance hugs, i guess), and also remind her that maybe it’s for the best that a relationship with you wouldn’t work out for her, because the distance would be hard on you guys anyway. <3

Anonymous asked: I need advice :( Long story short, i was extremely close friends with this guy, i fell in love, cherished him like the last gust of air leaving my lungs, he never knew, he knew i liked him though. But he'd tease and flirt, and everything was perfect he told me so many times in a hopeless way of how much he loved me and etc cutsy shit. He drifted away though and just stopped talking to me. I feel worthless. We haven't talked since December and he's replaced me with a girl best friend. I know he d

This guy sounds full of shit. Forget him. It’s easier said than done, but you gotta start somewhere, and that somewhere is deciding that you are going to start trying to forget him. NOW. <3

Anonymous asked: my ex boyfriend and i broke up about four months ago. hes 18 and im 16 and we broke up because his parents didnt like me but we still had feelings for each other so it was hard. we continued to talk but one day he just dropped all communication and shut me out. i recently started dating a new guy and i thought i liked him a lot but my ex has been texting me lately and i honestly miss him so much and i still love him and he said he said he misses me too. i honestly have no idea what to do omghelp

If you’re using the words “thought you liked him,” about your new boyfriend and “still love him,” about your ex, then you’ve settled it for yourself. Ask your ex STRAIGHT UP:

• DO YOU WANT TO START DATING AGAIN??? AND IF WE DO, WILL YOU LET YOUR PARENTS GET IN THE WAY THIS TIME??

If he says yes, you really need to break up with your new boyfriend, because it’s not okay to string anyone along. It just isn’t. Especially if you have feelings for someone else already. Rebounds are one thing, but if you really think that there’s a chance you will be with this ex again, then you’ll never be able to invest in any new relationship. So either give it a go, or cut the ex off completely.

Anonymous asked: My boyfriend of one year broke up with me the other day stating he still loves me but he wants to experience being single at this time in his life (he is 17 almost 18 im the same age). He says we have a very good chance of getting back together when he wants to be in a relatioship again but has no idea when that could be like maybe not for years. He seems scared of the committiment but he was the one putting in all of the committment, im just hvaing a hard time and wondering if you have advice

You could try to convince him to reconsider, but that may also just hurt YOU more, to continue investing in him if he doesn’t want to be with you right now. All I can tell you is the facts:

• He broke up with you.
• He broke your heart in the process.
• He made that stupid decision for himself.
• It was unfair of him to say “we have a good chance of getting back together,” because what that really means is, “I want to see if I can bang other chicks, and hopefully I can, but if I can’t, and being single actually is hard and sucks, then I’d like to have you still to fall back on.”
• You’re young.
• He’s an idiot.

With those facts stated, please remember this: You don’t have to put your life on hold for ANYONE. Mourn the relationship for a little, but don’t wait for him. Don’t let his ambiguous intentions stop you from hooking up with or getting together with other people who ACTUALLY want you. He’s already dumped you, and he’s broken your heart. Even if he tries to get back together with you later - whether it be months or years from now - that rift he’s caused can’t just disappear with the snap of his fingers.

So, my advice? FORGET HIM. There are other, better people out there who WILL see your value, and prefer being with you over being single ANY fucking day. <3

philosophyofhedonism asked: You always seem to have good sex advice, and I just have a question. I've heard that with girls there is a difference between orgasming and cumming, so I was wondering if that's actually true, and if so, could you explain the difference?

It is true. There is a difference. There’s a difference for men, as well. Cumming (technically) is ejaculation, or - in women - the release of lubricating fluid (or a forceful ejaculation of a more watery sort of liquid, which is called “squirting”). In men, orgasm and ejaculation usually happen at the same time, but not always. Some men are known to orgasm without cumming at all, and vice versa. It’s not common though, so for men, when they have orgasms, they usually just call it cumming. Women often call their orgasms “cumming” as well, probably just for simplicity’s sake, and consistency. :) Also, sometimes with orgasm there will be a rush of that lubricating fluid, so that’s often why women are known to “cum.” It’s just continuing to wet the path to make it easier. :)

Edit: Sorry I meant to answer this privately, because you’re not anon!! Usually I answer those privately. :x I’m sowwy.